If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
