fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
