yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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