worst night to have a conscience
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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