You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
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I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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