I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
