i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dear god my vagina.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
