so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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