white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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