you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
