I hate your face
id be glad to
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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