So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
