So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize