Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
