Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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