If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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