we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize