I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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