If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
