I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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