We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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