38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
