your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
