My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
