I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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