You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You are the jesus of drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize