My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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