You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
