I can text with my tongue
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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