just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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