there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
