I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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