I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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