420 ftw
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Shame - the story of my life.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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