its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
