I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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