just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize