will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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