My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
