How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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