Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
