Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
