hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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