fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
