she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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