i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
