How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
