Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
