btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
