Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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