you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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