She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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