girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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