He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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