Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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